Don Marti

Thu 14 Jul 2005 02:00:33 AM PDT

IT Press Releases you might want to Postpone instead of Send

(yes, I have actually received all of these. Somewhat paraphrased.)

The rising price of oil means customers need our product because it helps you do things with a computer instead of driving someplace to do them.

The Sarbanes-Oxley Act requires customers to buy our product. We know you didn't read the Sarbanes-Oxley Act, so we're hoping you'll take our word for it. Now Supports Linux! (with a proprietary device driver that only works on the distribution and kernel version we run, and will break horribly when you upgrade something, even a security fix)

The hobbyist OS "Linux" will be ready for business use as soon as our product comes out next quarter.

New! Digital Right Management feature! For customers'"benefit". Because customers want DRM because, look! New Feature!

Our female booth staff members wore "theme" outfits to a trade show.

Neener, neener, Sun is a bunch of doo-doo heads.

Neener, neener, HP is a bunch of doo-doo heads.